WARNING: Since this is FAN FICTION, some elements are PURELY FICTION. There are real-life people here, so deal with it.
#KomiSays: Gusto ko na talagang makita ang pinaka-mamahal kong pinuno na si Ka Rody!
Ka Rody: Welcome to my simple palace, dear Atty. Komikado Kensuke. I would like to file a case against err… the Commission of Human Rights. How much is the amount of money that should be paid to you?
Komi Says: I hate to say this… but whatever money’s useless to you, that’s the amount!
Ka Rody: Alright, agreed.
#KomiSays: I cannot believe I am actually being the lawyer of… Ka Rody. *faints*
CHR is one of the most PATHETIC NGOs in the Philippines. Siguro pera-perahana lang ‘yan ng Yellow Family. Kahit si PNoy, hindi rin pabor sa mga patakaran ni Ka Rody.
Well PNoy, each mayor and err… governor has their own system and rules. Deal with it. Face it. You’re the principal, remember?
And who is PNoy to point a finger?
Case Title: Mayor vs. CHR = The Money War Saga
Press Statement by Rody: “CHR has been defending these douche people and truth is, they’re depriving farmers from earning their keep! F*CK Y’ALL, CHR people! F*ck y’all Human Rights people! Too much human rights is crap!”
Ka Rody: Why did you transfer here, from Japan?
Komi Says: I transferred from Japan to the Philippines is because I would like to stay away from these black-and-white things.
Ka Rody: What black-and-white things? Super-duper organized schedules, tight policies… and… something else?
Komi Says: You guessed it right!
Ka Rody: Kaya ‘yan ang gusto ko sa bansa niyo, eh. Mahigpit sila. Isang kawalang-hiyang karumal-dumal na krimen, magpapakamatay na sila!
Komi Says: Pero mas pinili ko dito dahil pagod na ako sa pagiging pilosopo. Kelangan ko talagang maging hindi pilosopo. I need to balance myself. Huhuhu.
Now Ka Rody wants me to defend him during the court trial about… protecting his of course, he–himself… well, he would like to be protected due to the fact that his own way of exercising his policies would protect the oppressed, and fight crime.
Seriously, my brain cells are bleeding like hell. My nose was bleeding. Fuck! That was sooooo… painful.
So, my rival lawyer for this case against CHR is no other than…
Komi Says: GOODNESS GRACIOUS… it’s THE Atty. Lorna Kapunan!
Well, not her, fortunately. Well, the lawyer here is no other than…
Date Kazuyoshi was right! I should have believed him right away before moving to the Philippines. He said that all those whom he persecuted escaped from that secret island.
Date-san: For the love of humanity, why the EFF are you actually doing this, huh!? Impersonating me and showing how big your ass is… that won’t make you more popular than I am.
Komi Says: Who gives a fuck on my good looks and my oozing sex appeal, huh?
Date-san: One day, you will meet who the real female Komikado is. It’s not Keiko Schneider… you’ll see what happens. I am warning YOU!
Komi Says: *Sigh* Don’t joke me crazy, ok?
Date-san: Remember… I am just one call away!
So here, I want to know who the presiding judge here in this CHR case is… I hope it won’t be that Beppu-aka-the-queen-wannabe again!
Hattori: Sensei, here’s the name of the presiding judge.
Komi: Hmmm… *looking at the paper*
[The paper says: Miriam Defen-THOR Santiago]
Komi: I cannot believe my eyes…
So we are at the Courthouse. I wonder where the Courthouse is. Since here, the Philippines finally separated its powers… The Executive in Metro Manila, Legislative in Cebu and err… the Judiciary in Davao. Good, good.
“Kiritsu. All rise.”
MDS: I am the presiding judge, so if you please… just sit back, relax… watch and learn. Walang magloloko dito sa korte ko, ah!
I cannot believe she would be stricter than Beppu (imagine MDS has this periwig)… but on a lighter note…
MDS: Oh, Komikado. I heard that you are the best lawyer in Tokyo, Japan. But how come you decided to come here to the Philippines, eh?
Komi: Your honor, I guess it’s for my own good to be here. I love Davao. And Ka Rody.
MDS: Is that so? Well, this another lawyer released from the secret jail is actually your opponent… Hikawa. I heard she was arrested by Date-san, but then, she therefore escaped due to the fact that it’s boring in that secret jail.
Komi: What do you think of it? Someone who did a crime escaping from jail!?
MDS: It can’t be helped. I am hands-off when it comes to these matters.
[Nobody knows that the Commission of Human Rights actually bribed Hikawa Narumi bengoshi to defend them… but they’re not even aware that Komikado will be their opponent.]
I was very much irritated after knowing that she escaped. Prolly Date never had an idea about it… or prolly because Mikami decided to release these criminals. Hmmm…
Komi: Wish me luck.
Ka Rody: Good luck!
Komi: Hai, gambarimasu!
MDS: Let us now start the debate.
Hikawa: Alright, so CHR wanted Ka Rody to shut up and conform towards society, but then, Ka Rody was too stubborn, therefore they actually wanted Ka Rody to tone down his rules.
Komi: Actually, CHR is only doing it for the money. Remember, they actually bribed the government to abolish death penalty through lethal injection or hanging. The CHR is actually supported by one of Janet Lim-Napoles’s fake NGOs, and often backed up by corrupt officials.
Hikawa: Objection, your honor.
Komi: Oh, and by the way I think the CHR is backed up by the oligarch government in order to give more criminals MORE and MORE freedom to rape, kill and lastly… steal expensive belongings.
Hikawa: Objection, your–
Komi: I think Ka Rody is doing everything for the Filipino farmer. That way, Filipino farmers will become rich, and earn their own share. This will actually benefit them, and of course, their families. In many ways–the landlords will lose their share if they will be hindered from getting all the farmer’s earnings. These exploiting landlords are actually linked to smugglers–for instance, the Rice Smuggling King.
Hikawa: Objection, your honor. Not all landlords are linked towards rice smugglers. There are some landlords who are willing to protect farmers and yet, these smuggling lords are coercing them to exploit the farmer.
Komi: And where did you get that information? From a thin strip of air!?
MDS: Order in the court!
MDS: Komi, be professional! You know better. As for you Hikawa, don’t play too dumb. Show some guts, please! Oh well, case dismissed!
Outside the court…
Komi: God, it’s too hard to please her.
Ka Rody: Well, it cannot be helped. She’s too fierce. Well, I may be a fierce mayor but that does not mean I could at least be a “standalone” in the court. I need back-up.
Komi: I heard you took up law… but, why can’t you at least, help me and yourself?
Ka Rody: I’m too sick and tired of swearing and cussing to CHR.
Komi: I know, I know. And now…
Ka Rody: Alright. We need to show some evidence. We should be a team this time, okay?
Komi: Two awesome people… UNITE! Aprub!
Okay… I think Ka Rody should have helped himself rather than hiring a lawyer like me. Hmmm… is it because of err… formality reasons… or is it that he does not believe in individualism in the corporate world? Hmmm…
Komi: Ranmaru-kun. Do you have new evidences regarding err… the CHR and its dirty tricks?
Ranmaru: Yep yep! I heard Hikawa pimped them for her own money!
Komi: Jeezus! That diabolical whore is just getting through my nerves!
Hikawa: If you don’t have your fellatio done at the salon, I will kill you through firing squad!
I cannot believe she will be allowing pimps and casting couch to happen. Some sexual favors like hiring a FUBU will just please her, and CHR people will simply present her a very rich DOM (Dirty Old Man)… she’s pimped to have sex with that guy.
Gawd… what was I thinking? I believe these people are pissing me off like hell. I just think that these people really need to grow the EFF up! Why, do you think I am, still EVIL!?
~tsuzuku~ …to be continued!