Komi Meets Ka Rody!

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WARNING: Since this is FAN FICTION, some elements are PURELY FICTION. There are real-life people here, so deal with it.

#KomiSays: Gusto ko na talagang makita ang pinaka-mamahal kong pinuno na si Ka Rody!

Ka Rody: Welcome to my simple palace, dear Atty. Komikado Kensuke. I would like to file a case against err… the Commission of Human Rights. How much is the amount of money that should be paid to you?
Komi Says: I hate to say this… but whatever money’s useless to you, that’s the amount!
Ka Rody: Alright, agreed.

#KomiSays: I cannot believe I am actually being the lawyer of… Ka Rody. *faints*

CHR is one of the most PATHETIC NGOs in the Philippines. Siguro pera-perahana lang ‘yan ng Yellow Family. Kahit si PNoy, hindi rin pabor sa mga patakaran ni Ka Rody.

Well PNoy, each mayor and err… governor has their own system and rules. Deal with it. Face it. You’re the principal, remember?

And who is PNoy to point a finger?

Case Title: Mayor vs. CHR = The Money War Saga

Press Statement by Rody: “CHR has been defending these douche people and truth is, they’re depriving farmers from earning their keep! F*CK Y’ALL, CHR people! F*ck y’all Human Rights people! Too much human rights is crap!”

Ka Rody: Why did you transfer here, from Japan?
Komi Says: I transferred from Japan to the Philippines is because I would like to stay away from these black-and-white things.
Ka Rody: What black-and-white things? Super-duper organized schedules, tight policies… and… something else?
Komi Says: You guessed it right!
Ka Rody: Kaya ‘yan ang gusto ko sa bansa niyo, eh. Mahigpit sila. Isang kawalang-hiyang karumal-dumal na krimen, magpapakamatay na sila!
Komi Says: Pero mas pinili ko dito dahil pagod na ako sa pagiging pilosopo. Kelangan ko talagang maging hindi pilosopo. I need to balance myself. Huhuhu.

Now Ka Rody wants me to defend him during the court trial about… protecting his of course, he–himself… well, he would like to be protected due to the fact that his own way of exercising his policies would protect the oppressed, and fight crime.

Seriously, my brain cells are bleeding like hell. My nose was bleeding. Fuck! That was sooooo… painful.

So, my rival lawyer for this case against CHR is no other than…

Komi Says: GOODNESS GRACIOUS… it’s THE Atty. Lorna Kapunan!

Well, not her, fortunately. Well, the lawyer here is no other than…

Hikawa Narumi-bengoshi…

JEEZAS!

Flashback

Date Kazuyoshi was right! I should have believed him right away before moving to the Philippines. He said that all those whom he persecuted escaped from that secret island.

Date-san: For the love of humanity, why the EFF are you actually doing this, huh!? Impersonating me and showing how big your ass is… that won’t make you more popular than I am.
Komi Says: Who gives a fuck on my good looks and my oozing sex appeal, huh?
Date-san: One day, you will meet who the real female Komikado is. It’s not Keiko Schneider… you’ll see what happens. I am warning YOU!
Komi Says: *Sigh* Don’t joke me crazy, ok?
Date-san: Remember… I am just one call away!

Saibanchou

So here, I want to know who the presiding judge here in this CHR case is… I hope it won’t be that Beppu-aka-the-queen-wannabe again!

Hattori: Sensei, here’s the name of the presiding judge.
Komi: Hmmm… *looking at the paper*
[The paper says: Miriam Defen-THOR Santiago]
Komi: I cannot believe my eyes…

So we are at the Courthouse. I wonder where the Courthouse is. Since here, the Philippines finally separated its powers… The Executive in Metro Manila, Legislative in Cebu and err… the Judiciary in Davao. Good, good.

“Kiritsu. All rise.”

MDS: I am the presiding judge, so if you please… just sit back, relax… watch and learn. Walang magloloko dito sa korte ko, ah!

I cannot believe she would be stricter than Beppu (imagine MDS has this periwig)… but on a lighter note…

MDS: Oh, Komikado. I heard that you are the best lawyer in Tokyo, Japan. But how come you decided to come here to the Philippines, eh?
Komi: Your honor, I guess it’s for my own good to be here. I love Davao. And Ka Rody.
MDS: Is that so? Well, this another lawyer released from the secret jail is actually your opponent… Hikawa. I heard she was arrested by Date-san, but then, she therefore escaped due to the fact that it’s boring in that secret jail.
Komi: What do you think of it? Someone who did a crime escaping from jail!?
MDS: It can’t be helped. I am hands-off when it comes to these matters.

[Nobody knows that the Commission of Human Rights actually bribed Hikawa Narumi bengoshi to defend them… but they’re not even aware that Komikado will be their opponent.]

I was very much irritated after knowing that she escaped. Prolly Date never had an idea about it… or prolly because Mikami decided to release these criminals. Hmmm…

Komi: Wish me luck.
Ka Rody: Good luck!
Komi: Hai, gambarimasu!

MDS: Let us now start the debate.

Hikawa: Alright, so CHR wanted Ka Rody to shut up and conform towards society, but then, Ka Rody was too stubborn, therefore they actually wanted Ka Rody to tone down his rules.
Komi: Actually, CHR is only doing it for the money. Remember, they actually bribed the government to abolish death penalty through lethal injection or hanging. The CHR is actually supported by one of Janet Lim-Napoles’s fake NGOs, and often backed up by corrupt officials.
Hikawa: Objection, your honor.
MDS: Overruled.
Komi: Oh, and by the way I think the CHR is backed up by the oligarch government in order to give more criminals MORE and MORE freedom to rape, kill and lastly… steal expensive belongings.
Hikawa: Objection, your–
MDS: Overruled.
Komi: I think Ka Rody is doing everything for the Filipino farmer. That way, Filipino farmers will become rich, and earn their own share. This will actually benefit them, and of course, their families. In many ways–the landlords will lose their share if they will be hindered from getting all the farmer’s earnings. These exploiting landlords are actually linked to smugglers–for instance, the Rice Smuggling King.
Hikawa: Objection, your honor. Not all landlords are linked towards rice smugglers. There are some landlords who are willing to protect farmers and yet, these smuggling lords are coercing them to exploit the farmer.
Komi: And where did you get that information? From a thin strip of air!?
MDS: Order in the court!

MDS: Komi, be professional! You know better. As for you Hikawa, don’t play too dumb. Show some guts, please! Oh well, case dismissed!

Outside the court…

Komi: God, it’s too hard to please her.
Ka Rody: Well, it cannot be helped. She’s too fierce. Well, I may be a fierce mayor but that does not mean I could at least be a “standalone” in the court. I need back-up.
Komi: I heard you took up law… but, why can’t you at least, help me and yourself?
Ka Rody: I’m too sick and tired of swearing and cussing to CHR.
Komi: I know, I know. And now…
Ka Rody: Alright. We need to show some evidence. We should be a team this time, okay?
Komi: Two awesome people… UNITE! Aprub!

Okay… I think Ka Rody should have helped himself rather than hiring a lawyer like me. Hmmm… is it because of err… formality reasons… or is it that he does not believe in individualism in the corporate world? Hmmm…

Ranmaru: Ches!
Komi: Ranmaru-kun. Do you have new evidences regarding err… the CHR and its dirty tricks?
Ranmaru: Yep yep! I heard Hikawa pimped them for her own money!
Komi: Jeezus! That diabolical whore is just getting through my nerves!

Meanwhile…

Hikawa: If you don’t have your fellatio done at the salon, I will kill you through firing squad!

I cannot believe she will be allowing pimps and casting couch to happen. Some sexual favors like hiring a FUBU will just please her, and CHR people will simply present her a very rich DOM (Dirty Old Man)… she’s pimped to have sex with that guy.

Gawd… what was I thinking? I believe these people are pissing me off like hell. I just think that these people really need to grow the EFF up! Why, do you think I am, still EVIL!?

~tsuzuku~ …to be continued!

I will find you, and I will kill you

You don’t have the fucking right to damage all the dreams of these people, you son of a cunt. Today, I will now let you know that we are still not through yet. I suppose, you must be that bitch who feels as if she’s the “queen” of the day.

Fuck you. I assume you are the one who is responsible for grouping students. Oppressing the marginalized ones while spoiling the know-it-alls and the popular kids. Your “lovers” are the Doc Gay and of course, that dude who is a “psycho.”

Well, birds of the same feather, flock together–as what people say.

Where are you now? Missing in action? Fuck you. Somehow, I pray that you die a brutal death–and be forgotten. I’ll make sure no one except your lovers and cronies will mourn for your death.

Your death is peace and enlightenment of the marginalized people. You are not our loss, it’s your cronies’ loss. They will worship you, but the rest of us won’t. As a matter of fact, if you are the sectioner, you are actually linked to these power-seeking bastards. You know what I mean.

Your presence is unwanted. Go ahead. We don’t need you. I mean, NOBODY needs you. Only dust and ash needs you. Only evil does need you. Nothing else follows except the fact that your cronies and all of your lovers will follow you.

Someday, I will find you, and I will kill you. With my bare hands. No one will trace who has killed you. As in no one, not even the administration would trace your mysterious disappearance.

Also, the pestilent girl and the know-it-all homewrecker will surely miss you. A LOT. They wish you were present.

Some things that people cannot understand is how this person is a secret to the public eye. As a matter of fact, she might be the one lurking around, stealing others’ textbooks. That person is never to be trusted again.

Komi Says: You don’t need to take off your top to be called as sexy!

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See? Look at my pics. Does it make me less sexier when I don’t take off my top!? Certainly NOT!

FYI people, you don’t need to take off your top to be called as sexy. As a matter of fact, I could actually be a Bench/Penshoppe endorser… but still, many people think that you need the ABS and muscles to be called as sexy… whut!?

Kahit ibalot niyo ako ng sandamakmak na winter clothes, it will still make me sexier. Kahit ang chaka ng suot ko, sexy parin ako, oh!

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The basics: Just pose like a simple person. Keep it freaking simple!

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You see guys, I actually decipher codes with class and elegance.

And…

You don’t actually need to be as white as Sheamus to be called sexy. Hell, Sheamus is the only WHITE-WHITE guy who is still sexy despite his flashlight-ghostly-pale skin.

The rest… mukha silang mga bakla!

Heto pa ah:

Abra envies me because he lacks height, though he has the sun-kissed tone and the good looks. Well, I don’t see myself as VERY TALL since I only stand at err… 5’8″.

Maraming mga lalaking inggit sa akin dahil kahit maitim ako, gwapo parin ako! And to Dra. Vicki Belo and her Med. group, FYI, sa maiitim ninyo makikita ang mga tunay na gwapo’t magaganda!

Being White-Skinned (regardless of race) =/= POSH person.

Nawawala na ang original concept ng Tall, Dark and Handsome because of Belo’s ads. They’re too stupid to know that. Haha!

Some photos belong to their owners. 😀 Credits to them.

Komi Says: Zero tolerance for a prima donna attitude… IRL!

So, so, so… elitist GTalkers and err… FP readers think that it’s alright to be rude while you’re a Hollywood A-lister!

#KomiSays: I do not buy the fact that it is forgivable to be a prima donna if the person is the patron saint of mediocrity!

Komikado Kensuke already detached himself from his Legal High persona… to the world of Filipino cyberspace. Hmmm… how did it happen? Simple: He decided to live an outspoken life. He said, “Who gives a fuck about my life, huh?”

Komikado wrote,

“Well, Anne Hathaway’s current attitude would come close to Erika Sawajiri’s brattiness! Still, elitist GTalkers and FP-tards think that Anne’s just being herself! Fuck that faux elitism! True elitism condemns people with a prima donna attitude.”

As a matter of fact, Komikado has always been critical towards FP-tards and err… elitist GTalkers who always think that good-looking and talented people are always right. FP-tards also have the same mentality. (:

Elitist GTalkers actually didn’t mind checking on his so-called “blog,” and they reacted:

Anonymous GTalker on 2014.01.01, 9.30AM:

For the love of gawd, Komikado! Stop under-estimating us! We’re only posting our opinions and you’re comparing us to FP-tards!? How pathetic!

Anonymous GTalker on 2013.12.16, 3.30PM:

I hope karma will slap you literally in the face, Komi!

Komikado reacted,

“I am just telling the truth, and nothing but the truth. Look at yourselves. You’re contributing towards crab mentality! You’re nothing really different from FP-tards! If you want respect, learn how to distinguish between a prima donna attitude vs. a straightforward personality. You cannot forgive straightforward Filipinas and yet you tolerate those who are conyotic or prolly those who are foreigners. In Japan, being direct is a big NO-NO!”

Komikado also reacted, “I just think watching a lot of American TV dramas reflect how elitist they really are–it really reflects on how they judge Filipino celebrities.”

Komi Says

As a matter of fact, Japan has a side wherein it is more conservative than the Philippines. Meanwhile, the Philippines isn’t really conservative, but certainly not liberated. Remember, Japan’s conservative society isn’t really that bad, but if you’re talking about conservatism–it should be UNITING people, not alienating people.

Hmmm… there’s really a cultural difference, so I really cannot tell.

However, many celebrities thanked me in return.

“Dear Komikado Kensuke, thank you for defending me from my haters… yet I could still handle myself, though. Sincerely, Josephine.”

Now who in the world is Josephine?

Then I read, “Josephine Unplugged.”

Hmm… I suppose it’s Yeng Constantino!

Yes, a lot of people admire me for admiring Yeng Constantino–but when it comes to Maja Salvador and Cristine Reyes…

“Dear Komikado Kensuke, we love you! Sincerely, the Popsters.”

I cannot believe Sarah Geronimo’s fans will love me too. YES, that’s right! SG fans LOVE ME VERY MUCH! I believe them, unlike FP-tards and elitist GTalkers who think she’s “fake.”

Lastly, one last message:

“Dear Komikado Kensuke, you are really awesome! Hope we’ll see each other again.”

It came from no other than James Franco.

Buddy… I cannot believe you’re actually showing up to me, through your presence.

I cannot believe people will like me because I am outspoken and at the same time brutally frank!

Spacious Hostility II

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Chapter Three

I can no longer become a free individual being if I still attach myself to that guy. He should know that humans are free beings by essence. They are actually beings that are interdependent with one another–interdependence that does not tend to DESTROY relationships through abusing the I-It relationship. Essentially, the I-It relationship should be observed in order to obtain an I-Thou relationship. However, in his case, the I-It relationship is legitimately rampant in ALL aspects. Rich man is the master; his companion is objectified, according to his expectations. If I were to be asked, this man should learn about his past history–if he was bullied (nah, really) before, why didn’t he learn something from that? Why did he not learn his lesson about his experience? In fact, he’s mentally and emotionally torturing me by bugging me every single day.

Nobody, not even a person like me, could tolerate such a douche like him–AT ALL.

He is by essence, a selfish man who claims to be an altruistic gentleman–but truth is, he’s not even willing to sacrifice himself for the benefit of other people. Hell, if he really is an altruistic friend, then how come he did not remove his shoes after my sandals suddenly disintegrated? He should have either carried me or lend his shoes, rather than making me hop like a frog (which is even more embarrassing, if you’re going to ask me). His way of attracting women is like a trying-hard suitor who thinks he could get away with it.

He’s really thick-faced when it comes to women–he actually treats them either like objectified beings or servants; that might be the reason why many people are staying away from him. Not even the queenliest beauty will ever endure his whining, pathetic excuses for a guy–and remember when he asked me to cover him using an umbrella.

What!? I only did it only to satisfy his insatiable desires (READ: Insatiable) desires. His aim is to be a señorito who is über-dependent on any basic need. He will say that even though he’s fit, he will get sick if he is not covered with a brolly.

Are these the traits of someone who could not give you nice tips? To be honest, NO. He will make you feel bad about yourself just like any typical know-it-all person. He will always think that subservience and extra-conformity towards your own family is a good thing to do.

Now I know why he does not have the balls to defend me once I become his girlfriend.

But it’s a good thing that I will never get the chance to marry him–yes, and the mere fact that he was taught to be sensitive and humble (well, here’s an update: He taught his own family to be sensitive and humble due to his personality disorder–well, he hasn’t improved a bit at all) at the same time is a big fucking joke! I despise the fact that he was taught to observe sensitivity and humility at the same time.

¡Diós Mío! I don’t think so!

If he is taught to be sensitive and humble, then why the fuck is he (still) a freaking douche?

Sensitive? Mother of Pearl, he asks bold questions and he fucking lacks common sense!

Am I handsome?
Are you mad at me?

Humble? I don’t think he’s humble enough to deny the fact that he’s wealthy!

I also do not believe that he’s actually VERY smart–by essence, he has NO common sense at all, and other people with his condition actually has more and more perspectives in life, and have a sharper common sense, as compared to his amount of common sense.

I also don’t think he’s mature enough to BELIEVE in every problem (that) people say. He would usually spew off words that might offend people. It’s either he’s not aware, or he does not give a flying fuck about it.

I also don’t think he’s NOT judgmental. If he does not like judgmental people, then why does he have the nerve to lambast a LGBT person that his sexuality is “wrong” in all aspects?

I do not know why he has to be that harsh. His presence brought a great impact towards my life. His presence is like the troposphere, which would often change my mood whether he’s actually pestering me or flattering me.

But when you see his face, exhibiting the roll of thunder, you feel like being tortured by people who sing off-key.

Yes, his creepy voice. It’s like a monster communicating with you–in fact, his traits are not that princely; in fact, you have to serve him as your master–he will only treat you when the item is free.

His arrogant behavior actually haunts me–he’s way worse than the creepy guy before (the one who used to be over-protective); but the wealthy guy was even WORSE than that. I could no longer sleep in silence; rather, I feel the goosebumps when I hear his voice; and his pathetic antics.

His approach towards ordinary people is quite hostile; nobody would ever be willing to join his movie dates because his annoying mannerisms (well, everyone has their own mannerisms, but his version is ugh…) are hostile enough to poison their minds. He would often attempt to gain sympathy from these women by saying that he will do everything just to please them–but these things are all lies.

I cannot believe that he’s actually being delusional. He thinks of himself as things that are far (away) from his true self. His creepy laugh actually adds insult to injury, and adds fuel to the fire. He’s absolutely someone that girls should avoid MOST of the time.

I have to thank God that it was His plan not to have him as my classmate. He (God) thinks that it would be toxic for me to have a classmate like him–someone who cannot be tolerated in terms of attitude.

Spacious Hostility

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He has NO common sense. I mean, YES, he could understand what I’m saying, but the way I’m saying it is something he cannot comprehend.

Also, he mostly asks BOLD questions. Bold questions are actually questions that are generally not asked. For instance:

Q: Am I good-looking?
Q: Are you mad at me?

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